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James 1:19-20 “…Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”Perhaps I should start with my own biases. I was raised by my parents and my grandparents in a way that told me that my primary function in a relationship with a Black woman starts with my ability to protect her; that a priority in our community must be the preservation and elevation of the Black Woman. I do my best to exist in the world this way & rear my sons to do the same.Ok…got that out of the way....aight....Let's Go!With regard to Will & Jada Pinkett-Smith/Chris Rock, I think there are a couple of things to consider: The context: Five years ago, Jada decided to boycott the Oscars as she felt her husband was snubbed by the academy that year. Chris Rock, who was hosting that year, jokingly mentioned that her not being at the Oscars was inconsequential because nobody invited her in the first place. Hilarious…but disrespectful! Also, anyone who has been paying attention (as we have all been made far too aware of the intimate details of their personal lives) is aware that Jada’s entanglement traumatized Will in a very real way. When you desire to be someone’s everything (per his own admission), and your partner finds what you aren’t/weren’t in someone else, what do you?  You try to demonstrate to the person you want that you are enough for them. Will has been on that time for a while now. Also, for the sake of backdrop, most of Black America had to endure the unenviable burden and trauma of watching Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson be blatantly disrespected with no recourse or correction. Add to the equation one of the most unafraid comedians in the genre of standup comedy and what took place almost seemed unavoidable …almost. The confrontation: Chris Rock makes a joke about Jada using a dated reference to a movie that at least two generations of viewership probably had to google in order to get. No matter the joke, Jada was visibly hurt by it. The audience acknowledges the sting of the joke but laughs & Will does as well. (Note: this may not matter to some, but consider how an already hurt Jada Pinkett-Smith interpreted Will's initial response). Objectively speaking, it is important to note that while their initial reactions were not the same, he adjusts upon seeing where she is emotionally (this part of the story actually holds the most meaning for me). Will, defending her honor…or his ego…or both, walks across the stage, to address Rock & slaps the comedian in the face. Turns and storms back to his seat where he then instructs Rock to no longer address his wife in a familiar fashion. Chris Rock, both laughing and obviously trying to keep his composure, goes on with the show. In fairness, Rock was making jokes about several of the celebrities in the auditorium before he got to Jada. There is enough nuance in this moment to own that the joke may have been inappropriate but also indiscriminate. The conclusion (or least 'my' conclusion): So what do I think? I think that, fundamentally, violence should not be the response for upsetting words being spoken. I also think that Black women deserve both passion and protection (especially by the partners they choose to be with). I think that Will was wrong for hitting Chris, but right for reacting to his wife’s pain. I think that Will was a lot more conscious in his thought process than he is getting credit for which is why I also think that the slap was not a punch and if the presenter was more of a more imposing presence, he would have responded in a more docile kind of way. I think the moment we all saw had a lot more to do with proving himself to Jada than protecting Jada. I think that 'narcissism' was sitting closer to Will Smith than Jada was. I think for Will Smith to tell Chris Rock to keep his wife’s name out of his mouth, while keeping Jada’s name out of his own mouth during his acceptance speech means more than what we may think. I think Will is unwell and has been for some time. I think if Will Smith would’ve slapped a white comedian instead of Chris Rock, Will would presently be in police custody. I think that harm against black bodies has become so acceptable that we, ourselves are desensitized to it. I think that every warranted conversation about protecting black women should be coupled equally with a conversation about protecting black men (I also think we should question why we don’t do this). I think men may view this Oscars moment differently than women do & that the diversity of thought around this moment should matter. I think Black people shouldn’t govern our behavior by what white people think of it and also that us fighting in public (whether on the Oscars stage, on the corner or anywhere else) was not a good look in front of white people. I think that there is a politic and identity around Black hair for Black women that many do not understand (ironically, Chris Rock made a very good movie about it). I think that we should be consistent in our outrage; jokes about Whitney’s illness or R. Kelly’s illness or Kanye’s illness should be seen in the same way jokes about Jada illness are being critiqued. I think none of us (starting with me) are Will’s therapist, spiritual advisor & marriage counselor and what they do in the context of their marriage (no matter how much of it they invite us to witness) should be kept between them.  The Fallout (my favorite part): The Black community, while coming down on different sides of the fence on this occurrence, is engaged in the best type of love. A three pronged perspective of love; one that respects, protects & corrects all parties involved. In this matter, all the perspectives are valid because the common thread is the love for them all that we bring to it. And much like any good family cookout in my community, we can talk about our family members truthfully and in love…but those outside of our family cannot (Note to our brothers and sisters of different ethnicity: we love you but this part of the article is ABSOLUTELY for you…just trying to help). We still love Will, Jada, and Chris; they are still ours. They make us better even in their worst of moments. Might we avoid the trap of partisan passion and just choose to love them all through this. 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins”

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